i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
