and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
