I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
vagina is talking i cant
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
