break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
