We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
