Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
