he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
