woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Holy shit dude........stairs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
