Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
