this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
