New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
