8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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