The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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