East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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