It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
