Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
