i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
