My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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