my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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