It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize