apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
