I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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