STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You smell like stripper and shame
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
