Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
