the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
