escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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