Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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