i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
