Someone shit on the floor
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
