i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
