I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
