I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
