your room smells of hookers.
And success
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
