if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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