walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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