I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
