All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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