I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
