i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
