I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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