you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize