farters have to be the big spoon...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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