Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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