I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
