I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
