just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
