the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize