you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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