I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
