You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
