No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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