so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
