I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
