Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
