he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
