I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
