I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need water and some morals
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
