I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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