I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
