I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
