You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
