WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
