Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
