You really coming over, don't trick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
