I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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