its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
