youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
