We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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