Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Vodka?
Forever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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