The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
