My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
