i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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