Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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