I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
